History Of The Telescope

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Where would we be without the telescope? Well, right where we are, but, since 1608, we can pretend to be like, 5 to 250 miles away. That’s when early “Magnifying Glasses” were first invented and used to look into other people’s bedroom windows. And, oh yeah, to discover craters on the Moon, canals on Mars and rings around Saturn. Here’s a short synopsis of the major advances in telescope history. But, don’t use this info for a science report or anything…
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History Of The Telescope

In 1608, three different Dutchmen, Hans Lippershey, Sacharias Jansen and Jacob Metius all claimed to have invented the first telescope, then called a magnifier. Lippershey won the patent war and became rich. The other two spent the rest of their poor lives peering into Lippershey’s bedroom window trying to get a closer look at his hot, young, gold digging wife…
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History Of The Telescope

In 1611 scientist and mathematician Galileo introduced a device 10 times more powerful than the original and called it a telescope for the first time. Before that it was known as “that tube that’s great for looking into other dude’s bedroom windows” thingee..
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History Of The Telescope

Isaac Newton came up with a new kind of telescope in 1668 by adapting the original refracting model and inventing the reflector type. He immediately began using the new device to look into other people’s bedroom windows, hoping to catch a glimpse of a bawdy woman enjoying another new invention of the time: the hot shower…
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History Of The Telescope

The Radio Telescope: In 1937 scientists invented a telescope that converts radio waves into images of distant objects not visible to the naked eye. But, it’s really lousy for looking into other people’s bedroom windows, so, basically, nobody pays any attention…
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History Of The Telescope

The first giant telescope (200 inches across) began returning spectacular images of other planets in 1936 when the Palomar Mountain reflecting telescope opened its famous retractable roof for the first time. Since then, it’s been overtaken by a generation of much larger ground-based and Earth orbiting telescopes. But, because of the real estate boom in San Diego, it’s still quite useful for spotting hot babes in bikinis on the beach during the day. And, of course, looking into bedroom windows at night all across southern California…
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History Of The Telescope

The Hubble Telescope: The first space telescope, The Hubble came online in 1990 and it’s still orbiting the Earth, sending back spectacular images looking deeply into the universe and, as a consequence, peering back in time. The idea is to witness the Big Bang and record it on video for a viral hit on YouTube. But, so far, we haven’t found the right alien bedroom window with its curtains conveniently open at the crucial moment. So, the quest continues…
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History Of The Telescope

Honorable Mention 1: Binoculars. These bifocal adaptations were first invented around 1890 and, aside from all their other useful applications, are today the most popular means of spying on both men and women getting undressed and ready for a nice, hot shower before bedtime…
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History Of The Telescope

Honorable Mention 2: The Microscope. Taking the telescope idea and reversing it produced the first viable microscope in 1676. Today, its widest application is looking at gross stuff on glass slides in labs and letting dudes who constantly look into other people’s bedroom windows with telescopes and binoculars know they definitely have an STD…
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And, Finally…

The Very Large Telescope: Named by the Monty Python guys, the VLT is actually four giant telescopes arrayed across a mountain valley in the Atacama Desert of northern Chile. Using laser light, it’s capable of magnifying images 4,000,000,000 times the resolution of the first telescope. But, there aren’t many bedroom windows in the Chilean desert, so no really useful images have been produced yet…
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